


Crazy Families

by Ashild



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: And it's not graphic at all, Darcy Lewis-centric, F/F, Farcy - Freeform, Femslash February, They're seventeen and both consenting, sort of, sort of underage?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-11 10:18:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3323876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashild/pseuds/Ashild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy’s new neighbor had the best Captain America dolls.<br/>...<br/>Because this fandom needs more f/f and Darcy Lewis, so I combined the two.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I stayed up for a long time to finish this, and I hope you like it. It is now 00:40 and I will come back to correct mistakes, so feel free to comment. I will also post another chapter, not yet written, and will probably not be as long, to finish the story, but I think it works as it currently is, as a standalone.

Darcy’s new neighbor had the _best_ Captain America dolls. Their houses weren’t exactly next to each other, but they shared the patch of grass which made up a sort of playground in a neighborhood where most people were over fifty, and nobody had children.

“Can I please borrow your Captain America?” Darcy asked. She made her voice a lot more polite than usual, because _Captain America_.

“Why?” the other girl said warily.

“Because I want to make a mini-parachute for a doll, and I don’t have a doll.”

“Why don’t you have a doll?”

“Because mom won’t let me have any.”

“Why?”

“Because Barbie promotes unhealthy expectations about beauty and femininity, and Captain America is Jingoistic propaganda.” Darcy didn’t care about the Barbie her uncle had tried to get her for Christmas, but she had read some comics in the library. Captain America punched _dinosaurs_.

The other girl seemed to think about it for a while.

“Could you make parachutes for the rest of his team?”

“He’s got a team?”

The rest of the summer afternoon went by as Darcy’s new friend explained the intricacies of the Howling Commandos, Peggy Carter, World War two, and why punching Nazis was so much better than punching dinosaurs.

 

It turned out that the girl’s name was Marie (“Mary?” “No, _Marieee_.”) and she was starting the same school Darcy was going to when summer break ended.

“Mom and dad had a big fight about it.”

“Why?”

“Dad wanted me to be home-schooled. Mom said he was paranoid. Dad said it wasn’t paranoid if it was actually true, but he said it a lot more complicated, and I wasn’t supposed to be listening to that.”

They were silent for a while. A pigeon sat down on a nearby brick wall. Darcy threw a rock at it. Marie shoved her. “What did you have to do that for?”

“Mom says they’ll pay you for shooting pigeons, but I don’t have a gun.”

“Your parents shoot pigeons for a living?”

“No, my mom complains about the state interrupting the natural order of things, and my dad doesn’t live with us.”

“Oh.”

They’re quiet for a bit more.

“I mostly live with either my mom or my dad,” Marie offers.

“They’re divorced?”

“No, they’ve never really been married, and they just work a lot. I mostly live in the same house, and mom occasionally goes away to work, and then dad comes and stays with me.”

Darcy thought about that some. Daniel in her class had to take a train every Friday to get to his dad’s place, and that sounded like way more trouble than what Marie did.

“Do you think one parachute could carry both Captain America and Bucky?”

Darcy didn’t know. They ventured to find out.

 

Marie’s mom let her daughter run around the rest of the summer as long as she made sure to turn up for dinner. Darcy’s mom let them use the sowing stuff after she carefully showed the two solemn eight year olds how to use the sewing machine. They both agreed that it was the most complex machine they had ever seen, and that included the one time Marie took a trip in a helicopter (“How was it?” “Really, really high above the ground.”). When the summer ended and school started up, Marie came to school with carefully done braids.

“I hate them!” she announced to Darcy when they met at the gates as they had agreed.

“Then take them out.”

“But mom made them.”

“Tell her one got caught on a swing, and that you had to undo all of them, because one patch of loose hair looks stupid.”

Marie looked stunned. “You want me to lie?”

“I do it all the time with my mom.” The other girl hesitated, and then nodded. Darcy undid all the braids, and combed through the dark, curly frizz. With both of them relatively pleased with the results, they went to school. Only one person made fun of the new girl, and that was Ritchie, who was mean to girls anyway, and it led to Darcy getting detention the first day of school because she kicked him in the leg, but it _also_ meant that she got Marie’s cookie for lunch. Darcy introduces Marie to her friends, and they both explained why they ought to play Howling Commandos and of _course_ Marie has to play Captain America, Graham, she’s the one who knows all the stories. And of _course_ Darcy is going to play Bucky Barnes, is there a good reason why not, Melissa?

Throughout the school year they defeated the Red Scull, shot down HYDRA and Nazis, and yes, they punched dinosaurs.

 

It was a Friday evening, and Darcy was up in Marie’s room, drooling over the game boy the other girl had gotten for her eleventh birthday, when they heard voices down the stairs.

“How do you not have another sniper for this job?”

“I need the best. You’re the best, Ava.”

“I’m retired. I thought we agreed on that point.”

“And we do, but this job is important, and my first pick is in the hospital after hurling himself off a building and into a dumpster.”

The voices lowered after that. Darcy looked at Marie.

“That’s my dad,” she said, as if that was all explanation needed.

“Is he James Bond?”

“No! He’s American.” She said it like Darcy had just given the biggest insult.

“How could I know? Your mom talks funny sometimes.”

“That’s Farsi, and she only talks like that when she wants to swear, but doesn’t want to do it in front of me. Which means it’s almost always when you’re in the room.”

The door opened a crack, and a man stepped in. “Hey sweetheart, your moms going to be gone for a while, so I’m staying with you.”

Darcy stared. She had been raised by her mother to be accepting of all people, but there were some things an eleven year old had to know. “Are you a pirate?”

He flicked his gaze to her. “Do I have a d… a _darn_ parrot on my shoulder?” She shook her head.

Marie scurried off the bed and went to hug him. “Dad this is Darlene. Darlene this is dad. Marcus.” She added it as an afterthought. Darcy had no idea why she was lying, but figured that it ought to be encouraged, so she played along.

“Nice to meet you,” she said.

The man nodded. “Nice to meet you too, Darlene. You can call me Mark.”

Darcy nodded back then looked at the game boy. “Do you know how to catch Mew?”

“What?”

“Mew. I just came over him, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to beat him with Pikachu.” Pikachu was the best. Darcy didn’t care what Marie said about power levels, Pikachu was the best.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Mark said.

“It’s a game dad. Pokémon.”

“Really? Well you girls have fun. I’m going to go make dinner.” Marie rolled her eyes in the universal gesture of children being disappointed in adults lacking comprehension of the worlds important matters.

When the door shut, Darcy put the game away. “Why did you call me Darlene?”

“Because Darlene has dark hair, is white, and her dad’s an accountant while her mom’s a stay-at-home wife. _Your_ mom lives in her grandmother’s house, grows weed  in her garden and has been arrested just as many times as she has joined a protest.” Marie put her hands on her hips.

“It’s medicinal,” mumbled Darcy.

“She sells it to the rest of the neighborhood!”

“A lot of old people have bad backs or painful knees.”

 “I don’t think my dad would consider that a valid excuse.”

“Why would he know? We wouldn’t tell him about it.”

Marie looked dead serious. “He would know.”

Darcy thought about this. “James Bond?”

Marie shook her head. “More like M.”

“Who’s that?”

“Haven’t you watched any the latest movie?”

“Hello! My mom protests the government every chance she gets. Why would she take me to a James Bond movie?”

They ended up in the TV-room, with one of the Bond-movies Mark deemed not too scary (“Meaning one of the most unrealistic.” Darcy probably wasn’t supposed to hear that.). Pizza got delivered, and the kitchen had a smoky smell when Darcy went to get more water. She shrugged. At least this smoke didn’t smell a sickly sweet.

 

Puberty was a pain. Darcy and Marie stuck it out together while other friends drifted to and fro. They spent more time in Marie’s house than Darcy’s, although Marie was careful not to invite anyone over while her dad was there. Darcy met him a few more times, and he seemed nice enough, though lacking in both the parrot-department and the fancy hat-department. When they were twelve, they saw the adventure of Jack Sparrow on the big screen, and Darcy poked Marie in the shoulder.

“A clear glass eye would be a lot scarier than an eye-patch.”

“He’s not missing an eye, it’s just not working,” was the only reply she got.

At seventeen Darcy admitted to be slightly affected by that movie, seeing as she got together with a wannabe Captain Sparrow at Halloween.

“How was it?” Marie asked the day after.

“Fine. He’d done it before, so it didn’t hurt, but it didn’t feel that good either. I’ve done better with my own hands.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Haven’t you?”

Mare looked away, dark embarrassment tinting her cheeks. She shook her head.

“Really? Never?”

“Well, with my pillow. And,” she looked up nervously, “like, on a chair, sort of rubbing.”

“I could show you,” Darcy whispered, afraid to startle the moment away, the window of opportunity she had been looking for, for the last two years.

Their eyes met. Marie swallowed. “Okay.”

 

When the decision of college came, Marie was the one to pick.

“Culver,” she said.

“Why?”

“They have a really good science department, which means chemistry, which means the best illegal alcohol.”

“You don’t care about that.”

“But you do.”

“Sure. But what’s in it for you?”

“My dad curses the influence the army has had on the place. He can’t send his people there without going through a lot of paperwork.”

“So he can’t put a tail on you…”

“Which means you don’t have to get the shovel talk for a while yet.”

“I’m in. How’s their PoliSci-program?

“Still trying to piss off your mom, huh?”

“Shut up.”

 

Darcy had inherited the passion of her mother when it came to changing the world into a better place. She just wanted to try to do it within the rules of the law, and see if it was more effective. After all, she could always fall back on aggressive activism if the first failed, but she couldn’t do it the other way around. Politicians tended to look unkindly at civil disobedience.

Marie wanted to be a lawyer. This met with lukewarm approval in the family, nobody really against it, but without anyone enthusiastically cheering. What she didn’t say was that she wanted to specialize in war prisoners rights. While both parents kept their job descriptions limited to a few vague insinuations, Marie suspected that the Patriot Act was used a lot more than it ought to be, and it didn’t sit right with her.

So, fall semester 2008, Darcy Elisabeth Lewis started her BA in Political Science, and Marie Josephine Hunter started her law degree. They didn’t share a room, partly because Marie was really nervous about her relationship being discovered, but mostly because Darcy had to choose the cheapest options available since she didn’t have parents to bankroll her education, but had to rely on loans and a crappy job at the local Starbucks. It didn’t matter, they mostly ended up sharing a bed anyway.

Did Marie’s unwillingness to talk about their relationship bother Darcy? Yes, a little. But she figured that she would feel worse if Marie didn’t take every opportunity to introduce Darcy as her girlfriend to every new friend they made, since they weren’t likely to report this to her parents. As if Darcy was someone she was proud of being with. It baffled her every time she saw Marie’s adoring eyes, as if _she_ was the one who had gotten lucky. But it was Darcy who was lucky to have this amazing, beautiful, smart woman, who could probably have gotten scholarship for ten different things, but chose law, which she was awful at memorizing, yet was amazingly passionate about. It was kind of ridicules.

Another ridicules thing was the fact that some guys thought it was smart to send dickpics to the girlfriend of the woman with the biggest social media presence on the entire campus. After five semesters reading about the importance of media awareness in the political landscape, Darcy had raised facebooking to an art.

“If Tyler didn’t want his dick on the internet, he shouldn’t have sent it to someone who didn’t ask for it,” Darcy explained to the woman in HR. And God, his name was _Tyler_. Did parents who raised that kind of kids gravitate towards names like that, or did the kid just automatically shape into an awful human being because of the name? Did nominative determinism dictate jock-mentality for anyone named like that?

“That may very well be Ms. Lewis, but he is an excellent student, and it looks like he is going to be offered a position at this institution after he finishes his degree this semester. You don’t want to be here once he has made friends with the faculty.” The woman looked kindly at her. “I know it isn’t fair, but you’re only missing six science credits, in addition to the courses you already have planned. Surely you can manage that?”

“I have to work! I Can’t afford loosing that free time, without losing my job.”

The woman looked speculative. She pulled out a leaflet. “Have a look at this, then come back to me if you want to apply.”

 

“It’s a summer internship, board and lodging included.”

Marie looked very skeptical. “We’ve never really been that much apart.”

“It’s in New Mexico.”

She looked, if possible, even more skeptical. Then she sighed and put the leaflet down. “I don’t want you to not do it because of me. And you need to get your degree finished and start working if you’re going to keep those loans in check while I finish my studies.”

“But?”

She pressed her lips to Darcy’s. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too. So much. Also, it’s _New Mexico_.”

“At least it’s not Texas.

“Yeah.”

They sat together on the bed for a while, arms around each other. Marie shifted, and started digging around in the bedside table.

“Here,” she said. “For good luck, both on the application, and for the actual job.”

“Is that a Captain America trading card?”

“My uncle found two originals, mint condition. The last he needed to complete his collection. He sent the other one to me, said it reminded him of me.”

“You have the dorkiest uncle.”

“You have no idea.”

 

She got the internship. In fact, she turned out to be the only applicant. That was fine though, Jane was cool. Her job mostly consisted in keeping her watered and fed, but she also got to use her analysis-skills. It was more numbers and incomprehensible than she was used to, but as long as she could spot the patterns and anomalies, that was fine. She Skyped with Marie almost every night, and even tried having some long distance sex, but after an awkward breakfast she stopped.

“It’s not that I have anything against your relationship Darcy,” Erik assured her. “At home same-sex marriage has been legal for two years, and I have plenty of friends who have taken advantage of that, but could you _please_ keep a bit quieter?”

Otherwise things were pretty okay. That was, until Jane decided that storms were the perfect conditions to detect whatever she needed to detect, and she tried to steer a the car Darcy was _already driving_ , for God’s sake woman, and Darcy tazed a big blond man who had read way to much Shakespear, and men in black turned up and confiscated everything.

“They even took my iPod, Marie! My Shiny new iPod you got me. And I’m sure he did it just to be a jerk.”

“What then?”

“Thor tried to break into their creepy government base, and got captured, so we had to go bail him out.”

Darcy figured that if they didn’t actually make a completely new identity, just used one that already existed, _Donald Blake_ would be a lot easier to free.

“He’s outside with Jane now. I think he speaks just the right ratio of poetic astrophysics plus abs to break through her science haze.”

“I saw the picture on facebook. What did you call the agency?”

“SHIELD.”

“Fuck.”

“What?”

“Dad.”

“Oh.”

 

Destruction followed. Literally, there was a thing called the Destroyer. There was also sexual propositioning from over the rainbow (you had to work in Oz-references when you could), which, ew! Though if she had been single she definitely would have looked twice at tall, dark and curvy warrior princess.

As it was, Darcy was left with the clean up. Or, the government did the literal clean up, but Darcy needed to figure out how to justify to Culver why she should still get her science credits when the entire project was classified, and she had signed several NDAs under the watchful sunglasses of MiBs. She solved this by shouting at Coulson.

“I can’t afford to go back to school! Do you know how much astrophysics pays? Nothing! Do you know how much assisting an astrophysisist pays? Minus nothing!”

“Ms. Lewis, that doesn’t even make sense.”

“America’s system of higher education doesn’t make sense, yet anyone who wants to not go “do you want fries with that” for the rest of their lives have to deal with it. And most people still end up there.”

Agent Coulson shuffled his papers. He had a makeshift office in a tent in the middle of the New Mexico desert, yet he still obviously had complete order in his papers. “You have been taking Political Science at Culver University,” there was a slight pause there, “for the last three years, and this internship is just to get your science credits, correct?”

She nodded. His expression turned speculative. “You know, in light of recent events, it might be very useful having work experience in interplanetary diplomacy, which this incident could certainly qualify as.”

“Maybe, but the entire thing is classified.” He stared at her. “Is this you trying to recruit me?” He raised one eyebrow. Darcy thought about Marie’s expression if she found out. It was hilarious for a split second, then something uncomfortable twisted through her stomach. No. Just. No.

“I don’t think so.”

“Keep it in mind, Lewis. However, there is another option. We would like to fund Dr. Fosters research, and she would probably be most comfortable with help from someone she is already working with.”

“You want to limit the amount of people who know about this.”

“Work for her for the next year, and SHIELD will make your loans disappear.”

Darcy stared at him. “If this is a joke…”

“I can have a proper contract by tomorrow morning.”

Oh, who was she to look a gift horse in the mouth? Marie was going to be in school for at least three more years anyway.

 

She got to visit Marie again before a lab was set up properly for Jane. He girlfriend hugged her so hard when she got off the plane, but was silent on the cab ride to campus.

“I’m telling my dad,” she said when they finally settled into the room.

“You are?”

“The next time I see him in person. That might take a while with what’s going on, but you need to know this Darcy. I’m not ashamed of you. It was a stupid thing what I said when I was eleven, and it was even stupider that I made you lie for me for ten years.”

“I know you’re not ashamed of me! And I don’t care if anyone knows.” Darcy leaned in to kiss her, but was met by a dark cheek.

“It’s not just that.” She ran a hand through her hair before she gripped Darcy’s hand. “I want us to be more. I love you.” She went down on one knee.“I don’t know if this makes me the man in the relationship, and I don’t have a ring but…” She was cut off by Darcy kissing her for all she was worth.

“Yes,” Darcy whispered. “Though I think we’ll find it difficult eloping in Virginia.”

 

They decided on a long engagement, at least until Marie had a talk with her parents, and since she didn’t want to something that emotionally exhausting more than once, she had to wait until they were both within hearing distance. This could take awhile. Darcy didn’t mind. She was happy finishing working for Jane, and getting a good job before she married. They did go out and buy horrible matching Captain America rings, and Darcy showed it to Jane when she went back to work. The scientist was done moping and had her determined sciencing look on, so her congratulations seemed very genuine.

Then another alien invasion happened. That really shouldn’t be something a person had to experience several times within a year.

They were sent to Tromsø a couple of months after Erik had been pulled from their project, and the sun there played havoc on Darcy’s internal clock, on top of the jet lag. The locals obviously hadn’t known they were coming, because then they would have bought _proper_ blinds for their rooms. And they only stayed for a couple of days, because once news broke about New York there was no keeping Jane away from tall, blond and thunderous. They managed to get a flight from Tromsø to Oslo, and from Oslo to Edmonton (don’t even ask), and from Edmonton to a Newark, and then they drove to New York , because not just plains were standing around the city, so were trains and buses. Darcy managed to call Marie in that time and explain what they were doing. Her brilliant fiancée offered to drop her last exam and come straight to New York. Darcy’s heart melted a little when she very firmly forbid her to do any such thing.

When they finally got there they had to walk most of the way to Stark Tower, or A-tower as it stood after the destruction. Things had obviously been cleared up a bit, and the national guard was coordinating to make sure the people were safe, and personnel was trying to secure thebuildings. Whenever someone tried to say “Ma’am, you shouldn’t be here,” Jane just said “Doctor Foster with SHIELD,” and her eyes dared anyone to cross her. They didn’t. Jane was kind of awesome.

Finally they were outside the tower. Jane stared down the man standing guard, like any one could get through the security measures installed in those doors.

“Jane Foster to see Thor Odinson.”

The guy blinked. “One moment miss.” He disappeared in the doors and was gone for five minutes before he came back. “I’m sorry, but Mr. Thor has already left.” Jane slumped, like the strings holding her up had been cut. “But you’re welcome in! Mr. Stark said he was very keen on meeting you.”

Darcy mouthed “keen?” at him. He shrugged helplessly as he led them in.

They didn’t  get to see much of the tower before they were rushed into an elevator. Darcy wondered what floor they were supposed to go to, and how they were supposed to get there without any buttons, but the elevator started moving by itself, and pinged when they were there. Once the doors opened she could hear voices.

“Not now Fury, I have someone coming I need to talk science to.”

“We’re not finished stark!”

They stepped out, and Darcy could see _Tony fucking Stark_ and she didn’t get to process it properly, because behind him, with a really nice leathercoat, stood Marie’s dad.

“Darlene?”

Darcy gave a small wave. “Hi Mark.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something short to keep the story warm.

“Who’s this beautiful lady Fury?”

“Finish that thought Stark and I will and I will dismantle your heart.”

That was a weirdly specific threat.

“What’s going on Darcy?” Jane asked standing slightly in front of her, after both had stepped off the elevator.

“Darcy?” Marie’s dad (And did Tony Stark call him _Fury_? What kind of name was that?) said. Darcy could see the moment it clicked. “Darcy _Lewis_ , only one of two of the 90-class to go to Culver?”

She nodded carefully. His gaze flickered over to Jane. “The same Lewis who tazed Thor,” he said, his tone no longer questioning.

“Wait, what?” Stark said, but was cut off by the sound of someone singing the old theme song for the Captain America cartoon. Every face in the room had a brilliant expression that Darcy did not get the proper chance to enjoy, because she was desperately pawing through her baggy pockets (ugh, traveling clothes) for her phone. She finally got it up and looked at the display. This was either the best or the worst timing ever. She swept the screen and raised the thing to her ear.

“Tag, you’re it.” Then she threw it to Fury. He caught it with one hand, took one look at the display, and got a steely glint in his eyes before he answered.

“Would you care to explain who you just called?”

Darcy could practically feel the dread over the massive geographical gap between herself and Marie.

“Yes. Really? Well that was certainly… inventive of you. Were you planning on informing me? Soon? How soon?” At the reply to that question Darcy no longer knew whether she wanted to run and hide, or grin shamelessly, since it was obvious that Marie was _finally_ telling him. Her girlfriend was coming out to her father over the phone, and at the same time announcing their upcoming marriage, and Darcy wished she was there to give her a big kiss as thanks.

Fury glared at her, and really, shouldn’t the intensity of his stare be halved and not doubled by the eye patch? “I am responsible for matters of interplanetary consequences at the moment. When that is taken care of I will get back you.” He gave the phone back to Darcy and strode into the elevator. When the doors closed Tony Stark turned his eyes to study darcy.

“What the hell just happened?”

A rumbling sound turned Darcy’s attention the roof in time to see a man tumble down from the air vents. He landed relatively gracefully, but something in his hands slipped to the floor and broke.

“Aw, recorder.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! This is not the end. I'll try for weekly updates until it is finished. Hope you enjoy, and if you want to, please leave a comment.

“What the fuck Clint?” Stark said.

The man, Clint, pushed himself up from the floor and carefully scooped up the device. “Nat sent me on a mission to provide Saturday entertainment. Nothing better than Fury yelling at you. Well,” he looked at Darcy, “almost nothing.”

This turned everyone’s attention back to her, which was a bit uncomfortable. Sure, Darcy was an awesome person, and she could totally handle this. But she was pretty sure this room was half full with super heroes, and, okay, she was cool around Thor, but he was a total puppy who made sadface if he thought he disappointed you.

“Uh, it’s already Saturday?” was what she came up with. They stared at her. “We’re still on Norway time, Okay? Jane, didn’t you have acts of God to talk about?”

“Darcy, how do you know _Nick Fury_?”

Darcy looked around. “I’ll tell you later, but I kind of need to make a call here, since Mark… Nick… _Fury_ hung up on my… you know.” She flexed her left hand, making sure to stand close enough to Jane so the other two in the room didn’t pick up on it. Jane’s eyes widened, then nodded and turned to Stark.

“I need to see the last contact point of the Einstein-Rosen bridge, preferably with some sensitive measuring device. If you don’t have any I might be able to make something crude in,” she paused to consider, “five to seven days, depending on how much material you are willing to offer in exchange for being the first in the private sector to receive secrets about interstellar travel.”

Stark grinned at her. “Oh, speak dirty to me doctor.” He slung his arm over her shoulder and they started walking away, though he threw one last look at Darcy.

Clint the Vent Guy stared at her. She stared back. He shuffled a bit and dragged his hand through his hair. “Um, I need to go report some… stuff. Bye.” Then, instead of going for the elevator, he jumped up on a nearby table and somehow vaulted back up the hole in the roof he had come from.

She shrugged and looked around for somewhere to sit down. This particular floor looked kind of unfinished, with the basics of walls, roof and floor and not much else. There were some folding chairs by the table though, so she sat down there, tried to calm down, and called Marie back.

“Darcy?”

“Hey M.” She couldn’t resist. “I just met your dad.”

“I know.”

“He’s kind of scary.”

“I know.”

“Way more scary when he looks like he wants to utilize his shadowy secret organization to have me assassinated instead of helping us with homework.”

“He wouldn’t do that.”

“You sure?”

“Mom knows your name isn’t Darlene, and she likes you, and she still has contacts in Russia who could mess dad’s workweek up.”

“You really thought about this.”

“Yup.”

They sat in silence. It was comforting just having her on the other end of the line.

“So how are finals?”

“Okay, I think. My last this semester is tomorrow, written four hours, no textbooks or computers allowed.”

“Those are the worst.”

“Yeah.”

Darcy drew a shaky breath. “I love you.”

“I love you too. I’m coming to New York as soon as I finish, maybe I can be there tomorrow night already.”

“Good. I’ll wait up.” There wasn’t more to say, so they said goodbye and hung up. It was nice knowing you didn’t have to talk endlessly to someone once you said what you needed. Unlike what Darcy was about to face.

 

“So what did you do to piss Fury off?”

Everyone had gathered together on a floor with a living space. Darcy would have called it the living room, except it took up an entire floor, and the only walls that weren’t glass was the part with the elevator. Jane had gotten to talk things out with Stark, and they had come to find Darcy and to tell her she needed to Join them for pizza. It had been just the three of them when a disembodied voice announced the pizza had been delivered, then three other people magically materialized. Or rather, two people magically materialized; Clint the Vent Guy and scary, hot (scary hot?) red-headed woman. The third came out of the elevator carrying pizza boxes and was _Pepper fucking Potts_. Really, Pepper Darcy Totally Did A Hero Worship Essay On Her At Culver Potts. How was this her life?

After some scuffling around the pizza, and _another_ guy walked in, kind of scruffy looking, but with an adorable plaid shirt, they all piled up on the gigantic couch, which was totally located on a shag rug. After a some minutes of silence, Stark decided the best way to break it was to make everyone look at Darcy.

“I asked if he was a pirate.” Technically true.

“Really?”

“Yes. He pointed out he didn’t have a parrot on his shoulder. This seemed substantial enough evidence at the time, so I concluded that he wasn’t a pirate. Now that I think about it he could have left it back at his ship, since we were at dry land at the time.”

“The helicarrier is a bit like a ship,” Vent Guy said.

“Well then he’s a pirate without a ship,” Scruffy Plaid Man mumbled while picking pine apple off his slice. Who in the world ordered pine apple as a topping? Better question; who took a slice of the pizza with pine apple topping when there were like seven other pizzas to choose from?

“Please, like he doesn’t have a secret underground lair full of them,” Stark said. “I worked on the specs of more than one.”

“Plus no one can get into his office without his permission,” Vent Guy interjected. “Maybe he’s hiding a cage under his desk.”

“Speak for yourself,” said Scary Hot Woman. “ _You_ can’t get into his office without permission.”

“Well then,” Pepper Fucking Potts said. “Natasha, you can settle the argument. Is Director Nick Fury a pirate?”

Scary Hot Woman ( _Natasha_ , Darcy corrects, because she doesn’t want to accidentally call her that to her face) smiles and settles deeper into her seat.

“Wait, he’s director? Like, in charge of SHIELD?”

Stark turned disbelieving to her. “You didn’t _know_?”

“I knew he was pretty high up in SHIELD and could potentially sick some MiBs at me.” She frowned. “I’m pretty sure he won’t though, unless I threaten the security of the nation.” She paused for a second. “Or the security of the planet. Please don’t try to make any black holes Jane, I’m sure Thor’s combined wrath and puppy-eyes would rescue you, but I’m just a poor intern.”

“I would not make a black hole!”

Darcy raised an eyebrow.

“I mean, a worm hole, _maybe_ , if the Bifrost turns out to be structured completely different than I think, and a worm hole  is technically a black hole combined…”

Darcy lightly slapped the other woman’s shoulder. “No! Bad Jane! No messing with the fabric of the universe while I’m your assistant.” She considered what she had just said. “At least not more than the universe can handle.”

From there the chatter went really easy. Jane got into science speak with Stark and Scruffy Plaid Man, who turned out to be named Bruce Banner, and when Darcy heard that she did an internal squee.

“You’re the Hulk!” She noticed that Stark’s posture got a bit more defensive, like he was getting ready for an attack.

“Yes,” Bruce said quietly, and nervously pushed his glasses into place.

“That is so cool. Could I get selfie? I am in a picwar on twitter with my former classmates, and if I got a picture with the hero of Culver I would win the internet.”

“Hero?” he asked faintly.

“Did you, or did you not destroy auditorium 7, where the air conditioner was from the sixties, and where the literary students went to ironically have lectures on Dante?”

“Well, I suppose, yes. I wasn’t exactly conscious.”

“Doesn’t matter. The science department there is still in love with your work.”

“You studied political science Darcy,” Jane said. “How do you know what the science department thinks of doctor Banner’s work?”

“ _Everyone_ knows the chemistry department Jane.” At her confused look Darcy rolled her eyes. “You’re one of those who didn’t go to the parties aren’t you? Think about it Jane.” She held up her glass. “ _Chemistry_.”

Stark chimed in to agree, and started telling stories about his MIT days, which, considering he was probably fifteen at the time, was a little worrying.

Darcy got a nice picture with Bruce (It was easy getting first name friendly with him). She tweeted it with the text: My second favorite scientist, and tagged it #SmartHulk. When she checked her phone the next day it had gone viral.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I have a bunch of other things I really need to do, so here is the product of my procrastination. Please comment about any mistakes, I don't have a beta.

The next day was mostly filled with following Jane around as she worked to make the machines available sensitive enough to pick up whatever a rainbow bridge throws off when it connects with earth. Darcy had a pad with her, so she managed to upload some of Jane’s research to the computers, but most of it, along with their clothes and most things not capable of being carried in a hand-bag was back in Norway. Stark promised to have them shipped, and hopefully that meant being able to change her underwear soon. New York was currently not a place to wander around shopping, and even if it was she wouldn’t have the money for it. There was enough to do, on top of getting to know a completely new place. And even when the science-speak went way over Darcy’s head she had, thank Thor, internet connection to entertain herself.

It seemed like the nation was scrambling from the attack, and people were grasping at the smallest piece of information. When she checked some of the replies to her tweet she felt a twinge of guilt.

“Hey Bruce! I think I might have outed you.”

“What?”

“I thought it was a bit of an open secret who the Hulk was, but apparently everyone is completely shocked to learn that the respected Doctor Banner sometimes sees green.”

“Oh.” He looked a bit deflated. “I suppose it was only a matter of time. Don’t feel bad. How did you make the connection anyway?”

Darcy thought back. She was sure someone at Culver had let it slip, but… wait. “A friend told me.” Marie had been considerably drunker than Darcy, only because she was a lightweight, not because she had drunk more, and discussing people who turned into giant green monsters had seemed natural.

“It was a part of Dad’s scare tactic to stop me from going here,” she had said, though “tactic” sounded more like “tadig”.  “But I’m going into law Darcy! Defense lawyers are more frightening than something stupid like a hulking blob of muscles.” Darcy had nodded. “I mean, picture me in a pantsuit with green skin and hair, kicking ass in the courtroom.”

Darcy had pictured this. Then she had kissed Marie thoroughly. But if Marcus had been showing those files to his teenage daughter, it couldn’t be that secret, right? So she didn’t delete the photo, partly because she figured it wasn’t a big deal, but also because the government conspiracies spiraling out of control didn’t need more fuel for the thought that they were all being watched.

 

The day went by, and before they knew it, darkness was embracing the tower, and the light visible through the window witnessed that no matter the destruction, New Yorkers were still keeping the city that never slept alive. After dinner Darcy mostly stayed on one of the living floor (floor!) couches while the rest bantered about spectrometers, vegetarianism and what exactly constituted as “medieval weaponry”. Most arguments naturally had Stark at their centre.

“Pardon my interruption Ms Lewis, but a woman claiming to be your partner is requesting entrance to the Tower.” The British voice made the word “partner” so neutral sounding that every head in the room besides Jane swiveled to stare.

“Already? I was sure she would be at least two more hours.” She hadn’t gotten any messages, but had assumed Marie was too busy driving.

“Shall I send her up?”

“Please, Jarvis.”

A couple more minutes and the elevator-doors opened, and Darcy barely let Marie step out before she flung herself into the other woman’s arms and kissed her. It was a proper movie kiss, and Darcy felt arms squeeze around her as she was slightly dipped backward. Marie gave as good as she got.

“Mashenka?” a disbelieving voice sounded from behind Darcy. The two untangled their arms and Marie looked up. Her eyes widened.

“Natasha?”

Darcy turned to look just in time to see shock turn into amusement on the woman’s face.

“Well that sure explains some things.”

 

“So how do you know each other?” Darcy had introduced Marie as her fiancé, and most of they had settled back to their more comfortable positions. Still, people kept glancing between Natasha and Marie, and Darcy felt a bit left out.

“I used to watch her when she was younger. I owe her mother a favor.”

Clint narrowed his eyes. “What kind of favor?”

Natasha shrugged. “The kind where I have to watch a sulky teenage child who has too much time on her hand, and sets traps around her house.”

Oh, the ninja babysitter. Darcy had never met her, but she had designed a lot of those traps.

“I was not sulky! And you never went into the traps anyway.”

“They were poorly constructed, and you weren’t exactly stealthy.”

“Well excuse me, I never had much warning when you would be the one coming.”

“I know.” There was a sympathetic smile to accompany the words. Darcy didn’t really know how to react, and Marie didn’t seem any the wiser.

“Who the hell is her mother?” Clint asked.

Natasha got a considering look before she replied. “Okhotnik.”

The word meant nothing to Darcy, but Marie got a cute little wrinkle between her eyes when she frowned. Clint understood though, and could apparently not keep his mouth shut.

“Holy shit, your Fury’s kid?”

“Clint! You’re supposed to be a world class spy!”

“Fury has a kid?” Stark turned to Darcy. “And you’re marrying her? Are you insane?”

“Well, it is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman in possession of crazy family must be in want of a partner compatible in insanity levels.”

“My mom’s not that crazy.”

“She once tried to include me in your little exercises and nearly choked me with her thighs.”

For some reason everyone turned to Natasha. She shrugged. “It’s a good move.”

Stark seemed to really want to ask more questions, but Darcy interrupted him. “I think we’re going to turn in. It’s been a long day.”

Thank Thor the guest rooms had a privacy mode.


	5. Chapter 5

They walked out the next day pretty much arm in arm. It had been a long time apart, and it was like their bodies craved to get reacquainted. Throughout the pancake making, Marie made sure to press kisses to Darcy’s neck for every other flip she did with the pan. They didn’t get to be alone for long though, since the kitchen was on a common floor.

“So when’s the wedding?” Stark asked. “I’m thinking a big spectacle, ambassadors from the super secret spy world, and ancient Viking civilization.”

“Did I fall into an alternate universe?” Darcy asked. “Are you suddenly a wedding planner?”

“Anything to piss Fury off.”

Darcy flipped another pancake. “I don’t think we’re doing anything yet. It’s a bit impractical having a long distance marriage, a regular relationship is hard enough.” Knowing that they legally belonged to each other, and not be able to touch Marie every single day? Yeah, not okay.

Marie cleared her throat and wrapped an arm around Darcy so they faced away from anyone who could potentially walk into the kitchen. “Actually, I was thinking about transferring to Columbia next semester.”

“Really? You would do that?”

“Well, are you staying in New York?”

“I don’t know, my year is almost up, and hopefully SHIELD will keep their deal. If not I’m at the mercy of the job market for newly graduates.”

Marie nodded, but she moved away. Darcy felt like she had just rejected something pretty big.

“You know you can have a job here, right?” Stark said.

“I’m not an engineer. Not sure what you could use a poli-sci graduate for.”

“Actually,” came from the doorway, “we need plenty of people handling Tony’s image and relationship to politicians.” Pepper Potts walked in with a graceful sway. “I hunted down some of your articles and your grades. You are definitely qualified to work for SI.”

“Really?”

“Really. If you ask Jarvis you can have a look at the contract. Standing offer.”

Darcy and Marie exchanged a glance. Marie had a small smile on her lips and a pleading look.

“Well that settles it!” Stark said. “We’re throwing a wedding! What kind of food and what kind of booze do you like?”

“I’m not sure I want to know how you jumped to that conclusion, Tony,” said Pepper.

Marie’s smile turned wicked. “Darcy likes miniature hotdogs and whatever kind of alcohol that’s see through. There’s certainly enough stories from college confirming that.”

“Don’t you start.” Darcy pointed at her. “I have blackmail material.”

Marie’s eyes narrowed. “You wouldn’t dare.”

Darcy took out her phone and found the picture she wanted. Before the other woman could snatch it she slid it over the table to Stark.

“Oh my God, this is fantastic! Pepper, Pepper look! Fury junior dressed up as Captain America. When was this taken?”

“Halloween two years ago. She made it herself. Put a lot of effort into those little wings.”

Marie tried to grab at it, but Stark hurried away, typing frantically. “I’m sending this to myself. This is one of the best things I’ve ever seen.”

The chase went on, and Darcy calmly divided the pancakes around to the other people who had appeared in the kitchen.

“So what did you go as?” Vent Guy asked as he reached for blueberry jam. “Were you Bucky?”

“Of course not! I was a dinosaur.” She dropped a pancake with Natasha. The woman grabbed the jar of jam from under Vent Guy’s nose as he stared at Darcy.

“Why a dinosaur?”

“That, my friend, is the wrong question. The correct question is _why not_ a dinosaur? We were so glorious together other people had to shield their eyes when they gazed upon us. The judges were blindsided by our costumes, and decided the competition could not contain our awesomeness, which is why we didn’t win. The halls of Culver sings praises to this day…”

“About you constructing empty paper cups on the floor trying to recreate a city, just to smash it down,” Marie interjected. “You were more Godzilla than dinosaur.”

“Yes. Yes I was.”

Marie snorted loudly, and sidled over to Darcy. She kissed her slowly. After they parted Darcy put her mouth as close to the other woman’s ear as she could.

“If you’re moving permanently to New York I will marry you before the semester starts. Hell, I’ll go down to City Hall as soon as I find one that’s open under the circumstances.”

Marie’s smile was so wide and shiny, Darcy wanted to drag her back to her bedroom and see if she could just keep that smile for days on end.

“Deal,” she said. Stark whooped behind them, but they paid him no mind. “But first, we have to talk to dad.

 

Fury’s office was not very spectacular. Apparently it was temporary, but Darcy got the feeling he wasn’t the type of man to have a really ostentatious room. He might have a slightly theatrical tendency (eye-patch and leather coat), but his work environment was very clearly for just that. Work.

“So,” he said, leaning back in his chair, “what do you have to say for yourself?”

Darcy felt like a naughty child again, sitting in the principal’s office after having done a particularly nasty prank. But Darcy had never felt guilty for retaliating against bullies, and she certainly wasn’t ashamed about Marie. The real question was how Marie felt.

She did not disappoint. “Could you specify, dad?”

“This subterfuge. Deception. Farce. Do you want more synonyms?”

Marie tightened her grip on Darcy’s hand. “My relationship with Darcy is not a farce.” She spoke carefully, but there was force behind her words. “And I’ve been planning on marrying her for a while now. Is that a problem?”

Marcus (Fury? What was his real name?) leaned forward, placing his hands on the desk. “Is the fact that my daughter lied about the company she has kept for the last thirteen years a problem? That is certainly an interesting question. If the people you trusted the most turned out to have lied to you for that period of time, how do you imagine you would react?”

“I don’t have to imagine.”

Darcy looked between the two, glad she wasn’t caught in that stare. Then she started to think. All those times Marie had avoided talking about her family was understandable, but Darcy was sure that a lot of those times it had been because she didn’t know. What would it do to a child to live like that, without knowing whether your parents were lying to you? Without knowing if they would come home, or if their bodies would be lost on some secret mission?

“Darcy has never lied to me. She has never deceived me. When she has been in a life threatening situation she tells me as soon as she can, which is more than I can say for either you or mom.”

Each and every word seemed to strike at Marcus. “But why did you lie?”

Darcy decided to spare Marie any more pain. “Because my mother  is a flower child, new-age, weed selling woman who has enough arrests to flag even the most cursory background check, and to an eleven year old girl the idea of losing her closest friend is kind of terrifying.”

Marcus’ gaze shifted for a second to Darcy, but quickly returned to Marie. “So it wasn’t because you thought…” He paused and shifted. “You didn’t think that I wouldn’t accept your relationship?”

Darcy could see Marie soften. “No. That was never the issue, dad. It was the fact that you are one of the most powerful man in the country who still has his anonymity, and I needed some part of my life that was _mine_ , not controlled by you.”

The silence stretched after that statement. Marie leaned over and put her arm around Darcy’s shoulder. “I’m planning on moving to New York for the fall semester. We’re getting married as soon as possible.”

Marcus stared at them, then sighed. He pointed at Darcy. “Hurt her and you will regret it for the rest of your limited life. Screw her over and she has people with contacts in the worlds two superpower willing to protect her to the death.”

“Dad!”

Darcy waved a hand. “It’s fine. I’ve spent more time with you for the last year I’ve been interning than your father has the entire time you’ve been at college.” Darcy turned to Marcus. “I have a better idea about what would hurt her than you.”

More silence.

 

“That went well. Right?”

“The part where my father tried to stare a hole into your soul? Or the part where you implied he was a bad father?”

“He sewed trackers into your clothes when you were a kid!”

“I cut them out!”

“After your mother mysteriously showed up to your sixteenth birthday celebration with visible guns stuck down her pants.”

“…”

“…”

“At least we’re getting married.”

“Yeah.”

“Mph!”

“Like that?”

“Love that.”

“Well prepare for that, for the rest of your life.”

“Only if you promise I get to do the same to you. Deal?”

“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end, for now.
> 
> Thank you to all the people who left kudos and commented! If you have any questions about the story, I have a bunch of headcanons, so please don't hesitate to ask them. 
> 
> As always, please tell me if you see any mistakes.


End file.
